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ArticlesAreaFatherhood - Expectant Fathers Need to Think About Their New Role
Submitted by Gail on Monday Aug 28, 2006 and viewed 866 timesTotal Word Count: 557
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"I never knew my Dad. How am I going to know how to be a Dad, when I never had one?"
Six months pregnant, I waddled into my bed to try to get comfortable for a long winters snooze. My husband was already in bed with his nose buried in a magazine.
I propped my pregnancy journal on my ever-growing belly. I flipped though the pages and landed on a question that allowed me to effortlessly write for pages. The question was, "How has watching your mother prepared you for being a Mother?" Ahh...this was easy. My Mother is my best friend. We are very close and have been since we transitioned from "Mother/Daughter" to "Best Friends." The ink flowed from my pen as I recapped all the things I had learned about being a Mother by simply watching my Mom do it so easily. I had already planned on tucking my kids in at night and making it fun (so they went to bed with positive thoughts). If my child wakes up with a bad dream, I will tell them to think of fun things, like "birthday parties." I suppose that is what most daughters do; they raise their children as
they were raised.
My husband asked me what I was so feverishly writing about in my pregnancy journal. I responded, "I am writing about all the things I learned from my Mother about being a Mother." He looked at me with a sad expression and softly put down his magazine. Puzzled, I asked what was wrong. He answered, "I never knew my Dad. How am I going to know how to be a Dad, when I never had one?" My heart just broke right in two. I knew without a doubt that he was going to be a wonderful Father. Women know these things about men, although I am not sure how. But me knowing did not seem to help him answer the questions inside his
head about becoming a Father when he never had one.
Wow. I came to the realization that as an expectant mother, I have been constantly thinking (partly due to the constant physical reminder) about how my life will change once the baby is born. A pregnancy journal also helps by giving me question prompts about things I would have never even thought about on my own.
However, Fathers usually do not get the same mental and emotional preparation before the baby comes. Men could really utilize the nine months better by having to answer some of the same questions expectant
mothers have to answer. For example:
- What is the relationship with your Father?
- What is your role going to be as a Father?
- What things do you hope your baby inherits from you?
- What things do you hope your baby does not inherit from you?
This would really require the men to "plug into" the pregnancy. More importantly, it would require him to really think about the most important issues that he never had to think about before now.
I gently lay down my pregnancy journal and turned to my husband. "Well, honey, I know you are going to be a great father. Let's talk about these different questions and see if we can answer any you may have." He took my pregnancy journal and what ensued was a wonderful, heartfelt conversation. This is yet another reason why he was going to be a wonderful father.
I propped my pregnancy journal on my ever-growing belly. I flipped though the pages and landed on a question that allowed me to effortlessly write for pages. The question was, "How has watching your mother prepared you for being a Mother?" Ahh...this was easy. My Mother is my best friend. We are very close and have been since we transitioned from "Mother/Daughter" to "Best Friends." The ink flowed from my pen as I recapped all the things I had learned about being a Mother by simply watching my Mom do it so easily. I had already planned on tucking my kids in at night and making it fun (so they went to bed with positive thoughts). If my child wakes up with a bad dream, I will tell them to think of fun things, like "birthday parties." I suppose that is what most daughters do; they raise their children as
they were raised.
My husband asked me what I was so feverishly writing about in my pregnancy journal. I responded, "I am writing about all the things I learned from my Mother about being a Mother." He looked at me with a sad expression and softly put down his magazine. Puzzled, I asked what was wrong. He answered, "I never knew my Dad. How am I going to know how to be a Dad, when I never had one?" My heart just broke right in two. I knew without a doubt that he was going to be a wonderful Father. Women know these things about men, although I am not sure how. But me knowing did not seem to help him answer the questions inside his
head about becoming a Father when he never had one.
Wow. I came to the realization that as an expectant mother, I have been constantly thinking (partly due to the constant physical reminder) about how my life will change once the baby is born. A pregnancy journal also helps by giving me question prompts about things I would have never even thought about on my own.
However, Fathers usually do not get the same mental and emotional preparation before the baby comes. Men could really utilize the nine months better by having to answer some of the same questions expectant
mothers have to answer. For example:
- What is the relationship with your Father?
- What is your role going to be as a Father?
- What things do you hope your baby inherits from you?
- What things do you hope your baby does not inherit from you?
This would really require the men to "plug into" the pregnancy. More importantly, it would require him to really think about the most important issues that he never had to think about before now.
I gently lay down my pregnancy journal and turned to my husband. "Well, honey, I know you are going to be a great father. Let's talk about these different questions and see if we can answer any you may have." He took my pregnancy journal and what ensued was a wonderful, heartfelt conversation. This is yet another reason why he was going to be a wonderful father.
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