How big is your stick? An indicator of your level of self esteem or self confidence.

How big is your stick? An indicator of your level of self esteem or self confidence.

That is a funny question to ask I suppose, but I have found that most people beat themselves up over something or other, and depending on how bad they feel, will determine the size of the stick they use to beat themselves with.  For some, the reason to beat up on themselves can be that they have not achieved some level of success in either financial matters or relationships. Some hate themselves because they think that they are too fat, tall, short or not pretty / good looking or not smart enough. Having low self esteem robs any individual of having a full, happy and successful life.

Whatever the actual “issue” is varies from person to person, but we all manage to beat ourselves up over something at some time in our lives. Lack of self confidence and low self esteem is a truly painful experience for anyone to live with.

What is self esteem? It is the way that someone perceives themselves or the value that they place on themselves. Many have the perception that they are somehow faulty and do not measure up to societies acceptable standards.

I personally had a lump of 4 x 2, or so it felt at the time, that I would beat myself up with.

I have had issues with being too fat, too smart to fit in with the popular girls, too shy, not enough money, not enough success, broken relationships and all sorts of “stuff”. Oh boy, didn't I have low self esteem as a teenager. I then eventually found Mr Right and got married. He was tall, dark and very handsome which was wonderful except I really didn't feel slim enough to have him really love me. The self doubt was always there lurking in the back of my head.

Quite a few years ago I did extensive training in Reiki and then Kinesiology. Both techniques work to release energy from the human energy fields in relation to stored or suppressed emotional issues and limiting belief systems. I had lots of baggage related to low self esteem to work on.

I have had some issues over the years over not feeling “good enough” in one way or another, but was fortunate to not get to the stage of hating myself. I struggled with success issues like most of us do for years until I woke up to myself. I did lots of self help courses and self esteem improving exercises.

I was really shocked and saddened when I started to find so many of my clients not only did not love themselves, but actually hated themselves deep within their being and hoped that the outside world would never find or discover how worthless  they really were, at least in their own minds. So many beautiful people had such low self esteem.

I read an article once that stated that there were statistics to suggest that as high as  8 out of 10 people have self worth or low self esteem issues. WOW. That is amazing. 8 out of 10. I found that hard to grasp, until I started to chat to a few people about it and found that the numbers were probably right.

SO!! Why do so many people have low self esteem and lack of confidence?

Well!! I finally figured it out. They are judging or measuring themselves based on some warped perception of what is good, acceptable, successful, valuable, loveable or worthwhile. Or, perhaps someone told them that they were less than perfect or even worthless in some way.

Anyone that has been abused in any way, especially domestic abuse or sexual abuse, will have been brainwashed to think that they were worthless and the one to blame for what happened to them.

Have you ever had anyone tell you that you were somehow less than OK? 

Have you ever been abused, physically, emotionally or sexually? The abuser is well skilled in reducing if not wiping out all level of self worth and confidence.

I got my fair share of the bullying and teasing at an early age. It all started for me in infant’s school when I was singled out and bullied for being out of the average. I was a chubby little girl that was very shy. I copped it big time from the pretty girls, who, I might add are not as pretty now that we have reached middle age. I just shake my head now when I run into them while out shopping and see that time has not been generous to them. I used to cop it for not being pretty enough. The measure of my worth at that time was my looks and now what they measured me by has been unkind to them with time. Looks can fade, but inner beauty remains and can sometimes even become more radiant with time.

Anyway, as I say these days to clients, “Who are they to judge you?”  I only take advice or constructive criticism from people that actually have their own lives together, these days.  I have also found that if you dislike or even hate yourself, you will attract people into your lives to punish you in some way. The subconscious mind is a tricky thing.

Since I did my training, I have been able to use the techniques of emotional healing to deal with my issues of not feeling good enough. In the last ten years I have had some major life changes. My husband had a mid life crisis and ran away and then sent me bankrupt to add insult to injury. It was only when I lost my relationship and then all of my financial security and status that I realized that I was ok without all of the indicators of success like a good marriage, a nice home and money in the bank. I am now in my early 50’s and find that my body is holding up pretty well compared to a few of the old bullies from school. I still carry that extra bit of voluptuation as I jokingly call it, but it does not worry me or cause me any grief anymore.

I have been on a spiritual path for the last 17 years and have found that my beliefs and my training have helped me come out of the mayhem of the last few years with a good sense of humour and a sound sense of self worth and self esteem . I really do not care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I have confidence in myself now, which is a very nice feeling. Occasionally my self esteem gets tested again and I might feel fragile for a little while, but I snap out of it quickly now.

For years I have been doing a lot of channeling, which is accessing information from the spiritual realms. Since 2007 I have been working with a group of non physical loving beings known as SIMON. If  you have heard of Abraham-Hicks and the Law Of Attraction, you may know that there are many teaching beings working to help us now. The messages that SIMON brings to us are to help us realize that we are perfect spirits having a physical experience on the Earthplane and that everything that is in our lives has a purpose, and that is to help our spirit to grow in love and light. We are all perfect spirits here to have delicious experiences using our bodies and relationships as tools during our time here.

I now see, that by being the one that was bullied at school it has helped me to become a more compassionate, confident and empathetic person. All the challenges that my life has given me have somehow helped me to become a more loving and gentle person, who has given up judgment of others as well as myself and I can now live a more peaceful and happier life.

It can be helpful to anyone that is struggling with low self esteem to realize that at our core, we are spiritual beings. We inhabit a body while here on the Earth and that body is just a vehicle for our spirits to use while here. It would be a bit silly to hate yourself because your car was the wrong size, shape or colour.

You are more than just your body. Your body is a tool. It has a purpose for your spirit, no matter what shape, size, colour or condition it is in.

We are not our relationships. They are a way for our spirit to choose loving ways to relate to another.

We are not our bank balance. I found this one out the hard way. I thought that I was doing well with the happy little family and the nice home and a comfortable lifestyle and income. Until!!! I lost the lot. Some people treated me like a lower class being just because I had to apply for bankruptcy, which was the only way that I could get to my money to pay my debts. This was a hard one to accept for a while until I realized that I was being judged on my $$$ rather than the quality of my being. I have a vast array of friends and acquaintances ranging from extremely low income levels to multimillionaires. One is no better than the other depending on their financial status and I actually find that some people with very little, happily share and give more openly than some that have a lot more. The richest people in the world are not necessarily happier than any others.

Even though many people say money does not matter, I know that life can be painfully hard and challenging without it and yet the value of the person is not higher or lower in relation to their material assets.

You are not your job. That is what you do to make  money to provide for your needs and pleasures.

You are not your actions. That is what you did. Not who you are.

So, if there is anything about yourself that you do not like, how about having another look and seeing if you are perhaps measuring yourself using an inaccurate measuring stick. The true measure of a person may be more how much they can love and forgive, than what they look like or how many material assets they have accrued. When our day comes to leave the planet, our body and money are left behind. Only the love that we have shared and our ability to have loving relationships will truly be remembered in the hearts of those left behind.

 It is my hope that those with low self esteem and lack of confidence build a loving relationship with themselves and finally find true self love and high self esteem.

Thank you

Lyndell