Baby Boomers And The Dating Scene – Have No Fear

There are many Baby Boomers who are single as a result of the death of a spouse or a divorce.  They may have been alone for years for a number of reasons, but one of the most compelling reasons is that they are afraid to get ‘out there’ and date again.  For many, it’s been decades since they’ve last had to dress to impress and feign interest in the most boring subjects.  They’ve lost confidence and think they would not be able to pull off a date and furthermore things have changed much since they last dated.

Here are seven tips to take to get you back on the dating train before you know it.

1)    Make sure you are ready.  For most, this is probably the hardest first ste.  After losing your partner of so many years, how can you even think about looking for another to possibly replace him/her?  It is almost inconceivable, right.  If you think this way, you’re probably not ready.  On the other hand, you may say:  My spouse is not coming back and I have to get on with my life.  What we had was truly special, but now it’s over and while I cherish those memories, I would like to make new ones with another special person.  This is a great sign that you’re ready to start dating.

2)    Don’t go looking for your partner.  It’s very easy to compare people you meet with your former partner, don’t do it.  This is not a healthy way to start a relationship and, in the end, you’ll be very disappointed as you’ll never find him/her.  Try to approach the person with an open mind and look for characteristics that you like rather than that are alike your former spouse’s.  If you’re unable to do so, you might not be ready for the dating scene.

3)    Stick with your peers.  Young people make everyone around them feel young as well.  For this reason, some Baby Boomers may be very attracted to someone much younger than themselves.  While there is nothing wrong with this per se, be sure that you’re doing this for the right reasons.  This person should be placed under the same scrutiny your older neighbor underwent before you decided not to take him/her up on the lunch offer.  If you simply want to feel young, may I suggest a new, exciting hobby like mountain climbing, speed racing or motorcycling?

4)    Go looking for a date in familiar places.  If you don’t usually go to bars, do not go to bar to find a date.  Chances are you’ll find someone who is nothing like what you expected and the whole experience might but a damper on your enthusiasm for dating.  If you go to the library, then look for a date there.  You know already that you share at least one similar interest and this can be the subject of the ice breaking conversation.

5)    Choose a familiar location for the first date.  Going on a first date is stressful enough for anyone, so you don’t want to add to the stress load by being in unfamiliar surroundings.  Go to someplace that’s relaxing and not too noisy.  If you and your date live in the same neighborhood, go to a local sidewalk café for brunch or lunch.  This way you’ll feel more at home and not half as self-conscious as you’d normally feel.

6)    Stay in the now.  Do not try to analyze your date or his/her behavior before the night’s over.  Take time to give him/her a fair chance at winning you over.  Listen keenly and ask pertinent questions that show that you understand what’s being said.  Don’t get too far ahead of yourself.  Enjoy the moments.

7)    Look for a friend not a spouse.  Do not go on a date looking for another spouse.  Try to find a friend first.  The person you date may not end up being your spouse, but could make a very, very good friend for many years to come.

Dating can be as much fun as it is scary.  It really depends on your attitude towards it.  Keep a positive mindset and make sure you know something about the person before going on a date with him/her.  Do not make your first date a blind date.  It will prove an added source of stress that you really don’t need.  Find your own date and go for it.  If it doesn’t work out, at least you will have had a good time and possibly gained a good friend.

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