Forgiving Yourself

Have you done something that has hurt someone terribly and you find it impossible to forgive yourself?  Have you made a mistake, failed to take action, or in some way done something you regret and you can’t get over it?  If any of these are true, it’s time that you learned how to forgive yourself. 

Perhaps you hold onto to the offense so you won’t forget what you’ve done. Maybe you believe that your anguish is the life-long penance that you have to pay for your transgression.  But understand, there are negative consequences when we choose to live with the stress, anger, and emotional “dis-ease” of un-forgiveness.  Countless studies show how anger and stress can cause or worsen diseases such as cancer, heart disease, and other disorders.   

Sometimes, people get forgiveness confused with condoning their behavior or a lack of accountability or responsibility.  They may believe that forgiving yourself means letting yourself “off the hook” for whatever you’ve done.  That’s not true.  We’re always accountable for what we do and there’s no escaping it.  And while that’s the case, another simple truth is that we’re human.  We’re not perfect.  We make mistakes.  That’s why there’s an eraser at the end of pencils.  Human beings do things–intended or not–that hurt others.  When we discover that we’ve hurt someone, we need to be remorseful for our behavior, apologize and seek the forgiveness of the other person, forgive ourselves, learn from our mistake, commit to and follow through on a new course of action, and move on with our lives.

Remember that forgiveness is a choice.  It takes courage and strength to confront our own imperfections.  It’s not a sign of weakness but strength.  It provides us the opportunity to become “victors” rather than “victims.”  Probably most important, it enables us to build and maintain healthy, wholesome, mutually satisfying relationships.