Articles By Jody Pawel

When I was eight years old, my parents took a parenting class and went on to teach parenting classes for over twenty years. I was old enough to remember what my parents were like before and after that class. One might think I had a perfect family, but my older brother experienced a traumatic childhood event that left him with severe emotional, mental, and behavioral difficulties. My parents' use of the parenting skills, in addition to the professional assistance they received, resulted in a truly miraculous recovery. I was so impressed with my parents' skills that I took my first parenting class from my mother at age seventeen, long before I had any children. I have been teaching parenting classes ever since in my profession as a licensed social worker.

Wherever I go, potty training is a hot topic. There is hardly a workshop, presentation, or radio call-in advice show I do that a parent doesn’t ask about a potty training problem.

Demanding behavior -- from the time a child is about two to four a parent can usually expect to experience it. Occasionally children test limits in their attempts to separate from their parents as individuals, with preferences and ideas of their own. Parents should not, however, excuse such behavior as only a passing stage. A parent's response to such bossiness may determine how long and how intense these battles last.

Homework is a child’s responsibility, so we need to be careful how much we help. We want to be aware of what our children are doing and be involved in helpful ways, but not help too much. Avoid the word "we" — it implies that homework is our responsibility. Say, "When are you going to do your homework?" If they are having problems, figure out why.

As children return to the classroom, parents often wonder how they can help their children succeed in school — without doing too much for their children. There are two key areas in which parents have tremendous influence: success attitudes and skills.

When parents have a problem or concern, they need to keep their cool and use non-blameful ways to communicate their feelings. As soon as parents threaten or blame, children stop listening and start thinking about how to defend themselves. If you want others to listen to your feelings or concerns, try using one of the following techniques:

Although most parents would agree that their children are more important than their job, most usually get more on-the-job training than they do as a parent. As a Mother of seven once said, "The love is instinctual but the skills are not."

Many parents use the same type of discipline for every problem situation. One tool, however, is rarely effective for all situations. Plus, overusing one particular tool also reduces its usefulness. Timeout is just one tool -- and it really isn't a "discipline" tool; it's an effective anger-management tool. Since the purpose of a timeout is to help someone regain control, it is most appropriate to use when someone has lost self-control or there is extremely disruptive behavior.

Imagine this scene: A neighbor is at your house, visiting over a cup of tea. You start feeling irritated and pressured when you realize you are running late for an appointment. What would you say to your neighbor? Imagine the same situation, except it's your child at the breakfast table. How would it change your response? Is it possible that you might respond in a more disrespectful way?